


Piece by Piece

by katiecarothers



Series: putting the pieces back together [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Love sucks, Love/Hate, Mentions of Rape, Multi, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-13 17:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 45
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiecarothers/pseuds/katiecarothers
Summary: This is the second book of the series “Putting the Pieces Back Together” inspired by Amanda Lovelace’s books, “The Princess Saves Herself In This One” along with “The Witch Doesn’t Burn In This One” And also mentions rape/sexual assault and the journey to overcome the trauma from it.





	1. how to mend a broken heart

slowly,

piece by piece,

the queen

hoped

to mend

her heart

back together.

_-someone else still holds a few pieces, but i always believed you could fill the cracks._


	2. finding the pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I already knew I was broken but I had no clue whose hands the pieces fell into.

it took 

losing myself

to finally

break.

it took 

losing you

to try

and find

the pieces.


	3. you promised

you promised

it would only be

one little kiss

_-but i went home with teardrops and legs that were sore._


	4. the uselessness in a smile

when i had

no friends

i looked down

the corridor

& smiled

for you.

- _how stupid was i to believe it were good enough._


	5. a smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smiles don’t always have happy endings

he said

that if 

he kissed me

then maybe

it would 

make me

smile.

_-where is this smile? hidden underneath the teardrops or the scars on my thighs?_


	6. the fool from a dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slay those dragons.

every

      dragon

in the kingdom

   turned out 

      to be

her best friend.

- _is it possible to fall in love with a dragon?_


	7. be careful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> be wary of the boys whose lips only know how to form half-truths

be careful

          of the

                 dragons

                  who tell you

                         to smile.

because they will only ever be the ones to force you to stop.


	8. a noose around her neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your love around my neck starts to feel like a noose.

depression

wrapped

itself

around me

like a 

noose 

to my

neck.


	9. when they released you from jail.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they released you from jail and suddenly all the nightmares i had at 7 years old began to make sense.

i will 

n e v e r

forget

how hurt

i was

to know

that you 

were

free.


	10. dna < mental health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -you still deny everything like a false prophet.

you may not

have left 

any D.N.A.

on my clothing,

but you

left heavy breath

in my ears,

tears in my eyes,

and the first piece

had shattered.

- _yet you still deny like a false prophet._


	11. a queen never forgets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no, i never will forget the damage you’ve caused me.

the queen never forgets:

1\. the smiles she gave you in the span of a day.

2\. the times he promised it would only be a kiss.

3\. the times he told her not to tell.

4\. the clothing on the floor

5\. the hand under her skirt.

6\. the forced tongue in her lips.

7\. the seconds which felt like hours

8\. the times you made her late to class

9\. the hours she spent at the police station.

10\. the moans in her ear

11\. the number of times she gets triggered

12\. the steps in which she could barely take

13\. the feeling of leaches crawling amongst her body

14\. the times she begged you to leave

15\. the fear that no one would believe.

& then she relives it.

  & then she relives it.

     & then she relives it.

       & then she relives it.

         & the she relives it.


	12. im sorry, princess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because you don’t deserve full credit when he did more damage.

i owe

an apology

to the princess

because although

you broke

my heart

he laughed

when he 

s t o l e

my soul.

_\- im so sorry_

_for blaming_

_you for_

_stealing_

_a l l_

_the pieces._


	13. ill let you be innocent

when i told

the principal

that you

touched me

without

my consent

he told me

that i 

only had a 

guilty conscience.

- _so i lied and let you_

_be innocent._


	14. 1/4

one

in four

women

are bound

to be 

raped

and at

this point

i think

”am i still one of the three?”


	15. nothing but copper

she melted

me down

to iron

but he

made me

feel like

i am

nothing

but copper.

- _how come people don’t appreciate pennies?_


	16. my eulogy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -the death of my younger self.

this is 

my eulogy 

to a younger

me & her

virginity.

_-because i can assure you that you killed us both._

 


	17. 5 to 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what you wish you would’ve known before it happened.

dear 5 year old self,

it is okay if you do not take off your panties.

dear 15 year old self,

it is not okay if he forces them down.


	18. why i hate periods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> life really is a bloody mess.

and every time i have my period,

i cannot help but wonder

if i bled like this

the night

you stole

my virginity.


	19. boys vs dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -but you couldn’t tell her that her issues were irrelevant compared to yours, now could you?

and my best friend told me

about her drama with boys,

but i don’t know how to

tell her about my trauma

from dragons.


	20. the thief she loves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -but she only thinks you stole her heart.

i wonder

if she

knows that

you

could have

easily been

labelled as

a criminal.

_-but she only_

_thinks you_

_stole_

_her heart._


	21. please don’t hurt her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -because i wouldn’t live with myself knowing that you hurt someone the same way you hurt me.

i hate

the thought

that maybe

you could be

hurting her

like you

hurt me.

_-but im left_

_praying_

_for the best._


	22. a broken promise to myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you made me break so many promises to myself

i keep

begging myself

to write 

about anything

but you,

but instead i am

only able 

to write

about you

& the trauma

that came

with you.

_-i promised myself you wouldn’t be the sole purpose i wrote this, but i guess that’s just another broken promise._


	23. Hands that no longer shed innocent blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> proverbs 6:16-19   
> 16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
> 
> 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
> 
> 18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
> 
> 19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

you will 

never know

that you

have caused me

to shed

so much

innocent 

blood

_-you didn’t need to kill anyone to have blood on your hands._


	24. showers don’t clean the inward parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -yet I still feel dirty from your touch.

i 

have taken

multiple

showers

and scrubbed

the outer surfaces

of my body

for hours

at once

- _yet i still feel dirty from your touch._


	25. your first whif of vodka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -for his alcohol still lingers your lips like ghosts

when you take your first drink of vodka- you will realize this is not the first time you have tasted it.

_-for his alcohol still lingers your lips like ghosts._


	26. dear younger self (pt 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this time, for six year old me.

dear six year old self,

yes, that funny taste on his tongue is 

your first lick of alcohol.

dear sixteen year old self,

no, he is not drunk.

he is completely aware and knew you 

said no.


	27. dear younger self (pt. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wish i would’ve done both.

dear 7 year old self,

its okay to tell the police.

dear 17 year old self,

sometimes i wish you did.


	28. no one notices

no one notices

the reasons

why

i never

walk back

into the 

girls’ lockeroom. 


	29. every morning

every morning

i see girls

flood the 

lockerroom 

just like

any 

other

day.

_-why couldn’t someone have come when i needed them to?_


	30. utterly destroyed

and they always ask you 

how you feel about what

he did to you

_-but how do you feel when you are utterly destroyed?_


	31. home alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fragile, broken, and somewhat insecure girl releases another shade of her vulnerability- this time showing off that maybe her parents don’t care, but she tries to convince herself they do.

my parents

were afraid

to leave us

home alone

_-but were you afraid when you left us with the babysitter who molested me?_


	32. 13, going on 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young girl strives to grow up a bit too fast- considering she always has, due to his lack of civility.

at thirteen years old,

i wanted to move out

because i hated my parents

and everybody thought

that i hated them

because they didn’t protect me 

from him.

_-but the truth was that i didn’t hate them for that reason; i hated myself for not being able to live a happy childhood._


	33. Only God Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone told her that only knew what had happened that night, but does that mean she had only dreamt a nightmare?

when i told

the police

what had happened

they weren’t 

completely sure

to believe me

because they had 

no dna 

found on my 

panties.

when i told

my mother

what had happened

she wasn’t 

completely sure

to believe me

because she was

not there

to witness it.

i was constantly 

told 

that only god knew

what had happened

that night

_-but unless his penetration was a god, i was quite sure at 7 years old, that i was an atheist_


	34. you and me both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning, because I believe it’s needed here.

a certain princess

had told me

that she

had never 

been able

to define

her body’s 

relationship

with sex.

no, 

she had not been raped,

but she still

had not been able

to define

her body’s 

relationship 

with sex.

_-you and me both._

 


	35. dear future lover

dear future lover,

there are times when 

i am unsure

if i will ever

be capable

of having sex

with anyone-

and if you are the first,

please do not

be afraid

of every flinch and teardrop

that may join us

in the sheets.

_-its just the memory of a dragon, attempting to ruin our good time._


	36. another label you have given me

it is

so hard

to identify

as a lesbian

when everyone

asks

if he

is the reason

you “chose” 

to be

that way.


	37. Unpunished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think this one needs a summary.

it is

funny

to know

that even

at a school

built to 

protect its

students

from the 

world

and its

influences,

they still 

do not 

punish 

the boys

who

almost

raped

me.


	38. suspension

they gave

me

a two day

suspension

because

i lied

about 

letting 

him kiss 

me,

but they

only

gave him

a one day

suspenion

for slipping

his fingers

inside

of me.


	39. Never Grow Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Statistically speaking, a third of women who were raped at age 18 or younger later on find themselves in that same position. This is what this poem is about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Rape

more than

one-third

of women

who were

raped

under the age

of eighteen,

report being 

raped

a second time.

_-and they all wonder why i am afraid to grow up._


	40. 37%

63% of 

sexual assault

is not

reported

to 

the 

police.

_-how i envy that i am not within the 37%_


	41. the lowest estimation.

this is only

a low estimate:

300,000 women

are raped

within 365

days.

_-did you read that properly? that’s only the lowest estimation._


	42. i don’t know what to name this yet

His girlfriend

deserves

all the

happiness

in the

world.

 _-and i would hate to say that i hope she does not get any of it from him._  


	43. rape joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter that is basically about how teenage boys tend to make a joke about things that are actually serious topics and hurt our society today.

it is

the worst feeling

ever

when the boys

sitting behind you

are making

rape jokes

and your rapist

is one 

of them.

_-but once i find my broken pieces ill be laughing at you._


	44. the word “yet”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This retouches some statistics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quoted line is not mine. I took it from a friends poem (I don’t think she’ll mind?) and if you’d like the link to her full poem, I am sure she’d be happy to know I shared it with you.

a good friend of mine once said

”no, i haven’t been raped but statistics 

have lead me to end this sentence with

the word yet.”

_-and god do i wish you never feel the_

_same pain as me._


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I made this book longer than book one, hoping it would end up being longer and such, but ultimately feel like I wrote too quickly and I will definitely get this book revised. As I stated multiple times, just feel free to let me know of any errors and if you do need any help, support, etc., then please get some. I’m here for all of you and appreciate the little bit of support- every little bit adds up to much (which is why people should appreciate pennies;)) Anywho- thank you!

to the man at Walmart who had two 

daughters sitting in his grocery cart

and still decided to look at my eleven

year old ass-

i am taking my piece of you back.

to my cousin, who told my mother he 

did n o t touch her camera to take 

pornography of her daughter-

i hope that your jail sentence gives me 

a peace of mind; a sense of restoration;

and a piece of my broken heart back.

to the boy who fingered me when he 

knew clear as day that i said to stop-

i hope your girlfriend will someday take

her pieces of her heart away from you,

as i am doing with mine.

_-i, for one, am Putting the Pieces Back Together, Piece by Piece_


End file.
